The call me Slim Shady...

...I'm back. Stay tuned for more non-dinner table appropriate thoughts!

The best part about being a woman is...

...at least you know its yours! Honestly, how many times have you seen the "Maternity test: is it yours or your sisters" episode of Jerry Springer? Never. I mean carrying a solid beer belly for 9 months and never quite getting that 18 year old body back (We've all seen Heidi Klum, she's more "Lay me down and make love to me" Angel now than "Flip me over and ride me like a cowboy" Angel.) is definitely not a trade off but at least I know that damn thing is mine. It better be if it drinks this blessed milk!!

Dropping off the kids

Normal people drop off the kids maybe once a day: the morning movement, the afternoon evacuation, or the bedtime deposit. As a woman struggling with IBS, I frequent the facilities a little more often. Regardless, there is some form of unspoken etiquette when in a public restroom. You see shoes under the stall but do not hear a drop hitting the water. Unless you are at Tequila Rain and she is now past out with her face suctioned to the side of the stall, she is most likely moving her bowels. Here comes the BM stand-off. You are already in there waiting for some peace and quiet when the bisnatch next to you plants down and waits for you to leave. Silence ensues and finally, after much dismay, you break, wipe, and leave...clogged and pissed. Thats one women you do not want to mess with.

The Sweatxedo

Not everyone can pull off a sweatxedo. I've seen many a child-bearing teen attempt it at the local gym complemented by an ill-fitting thong peaking out over their not-so-Juicy pants. I don't know if they live in Funworld's house of mirrors or they really think cellulite is the new muscle. Boys, and may we dare call them men, seem to think the sweatxedo is now appropriate attire from the privacy of their own loft to the local bar down the street. Now I know the population is a little skewed in Southie due to centuries of inbreeding, but since FOTB immigrants to Southie, ie our Greek friend George, are choosing the sweatxedo over more traditional jeans and t-shirt I believe this phenomena is not a result of Darwin's theories. Please keep your thoughts, questions, comments, and applause 'til the end!

Just did it...

I just created a blog so I could post on wordtourmom.